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Yep - failed again this weekend.

Spent the entire weekend on the couch, with the icecream.

But the week comes and I get back on track again - no problems. Every time.

As an update to any readers who don’t actually know me, I am once again a single gal - K and I split.

I therefore reserve the right to eat as much icecream as I want - well, actually no, that’s probably not a good idea. And I think i’m done with indulging myself now.

On the upside, it should be easier to lose some weight now, without his constant offers of lollies, bottles of wine, and sleep ins!

It’s been almost a year since I actually lost any weight. For a while I was gaining - I really do blame the implanon for that. Then for a while I was maintaining - bouncing around between 70 and 72kgs.

For the last couple of weeks I’m pretty sure I’ve gained. Not positive, since I’ve been avoiding the scales, but pretty sure. My eating habits have been atrocious.

So, why have I gone off track?

• I’ve convinced myself that I am ‘entitled’ to treats - “Oh go on, you deserve it!”
• I’ve allowed others to influence my eating.
• I’ve forgotten that treats don’t actually make you feel better - that they are not really treats at all.
• I’ve allowed my palate to become accustomed to the ‘aggressive’ tastes of processed food, fast food, snacks and chips, rather than appreciating the subtle flavours of healthy, fresh food.
• I’ve given myself excuses not to exercise regularly - I’ve been babying myself instead of insisting on the ‘grown up’ behaviour that I expect from others around me.

It stops now. Today I am 33. I will not be in this position on my 34th birthday!

Today I am going out for lunch. I have chosen what I will eat, I will stick to that.

Tonight is dinner at my parents, I will eat what is served, but in moderation. No seconds, no hanging out in the kitchen picking at leftovers.

I will find time to exercise every day. I will record honestly and fully, and post my stats for the previous week here every sunday (or monday if I’m out) with no excuses. (thanks to msloseweight for that idea!)

It stops now!

This last week I have been WAY off the wagon. I had a lovely weekend away followed by a week off work and used it as an excuse to eat pretty much whatever I wanted. I ate so much that I gave myself awful indigestion, which I used to have all the time when I was at my heaviest but haven’t had for a year or more now.

I DID write down everything I ate, and last night I tortured myself ahead of this morning’s weigh in by calculating exactly how many calories I had each day. It was bad. numbers between 1750 and 2050 for most days, except the one day where indigestion kept me at 1080. I did’t exercise either.

And yet this morning I had lost 200g! I totally don’t desrve that, especially given that I didn’t think i deserved last week’s loss 200g loss either, with numbers not much better than this weeks. (mostly because I was upset about something)

Anyway, i am very determined to have a great week this week, I will be back at work, back to my structure, I have planned all my meals ahead and will exercise each day.

I just hope the last two weeks doesn’t come back to bite me in the bum!

On Monday I went to the gym, well and good.

Then Monday night I gave blood - everyone should, it gives you a warm fuzzy feeling But tuesday morning I woke up tired and it was easy to justify skipping the gym, shouldn’t exercise in 24 hours after giving blood, I’m sure someone told me that? And I know its crap cause its never stopped me before, but I stayed in bed anyway.

Last night I was cranky. Just generally bad tempered, and unfortunatly K was too, so that didn’t help. I didn’t sleep well because I was fuming at something I imagined he had done wrong, so this morning I hit the snoze button and rolled over, I didn’t want to go to the gym and I DIDN’T CARE!!! I was still cranky.

Now, after fuming all the way into work on the bus, I have had a nice cup of tea and a vent to the girls at work, and been assured that, while all men are bastards, K is probably not the worst one out there, and I may be overreacting a tad. I feel better, I’m not mad anymore, but the first twinges of guilt over skipping the gym are now seeping in.

Every now and then this is OK, but it must not become a habit.

Sigh. Must do better. Again.

PS - This is my 400th post!

I was doing really well last week after my 1kg loss the week before, motvation was high. But I had a slip on Thursday and followed it up witha fairly bad weekend, and ended up gaining 200g. Not the end of the world though, I will be super good through the week this week and try to maintain over the weekend, when we are going way down south. I can’t wait!

I am back on track with a solid loss f 1kg last week. With 11 or 12 weeks to go till my 33rd birthday, I am aimimg to take off 6kg by then, going from 72.2 to 66.2kgs.

I have been very strict with myself about planning my meals and sticking to the plan where I can. At the end of the day it really is all about getting back to basics, and not trying to do everything at once. Slow and steady works, Alll-or-nothing invariably fails.

This has been really helped by the fact that K is now making a big effort with his own eating, and so is not putting temptation in my way so much, although he did insist on indian food the other night which was full of calories and honestly didn’t taste that nice either. Next time I will insist on being taken somewhere else to get my own food!

Well yesterday was fine, stuck to my plan with no problems, Today, however has not been so good as stress drove me to chocolate.

BUT, as I believe that it is not giving into temptation that ruins diets, but allowing small slips to blow up into big slips, I willnot fall victim to “I blew it” syndrome and I will re-start my diet NOW, and contine to eat well for the rest of the weekend, instead of eating badly and starting agian on Monday.

Last night was just fine. K had planned a slightly higher calorie meal than I had planned for, but not enough to blow my calories. A slice of cheese toast before bed sent me a bit over, but I really was hungry so I’m not going to beat myself up about it.

My calories yesterday were perfect! Spot on 1300. And, since my monthly has now arrrived I was rewarded by a drop on the scales this morning, down to 71.6 kgs. Which makes me feel much better that I have not spent two weeks above 72 and will therefore not have to mark my 72 goal as ‘unacheived’.

Tonight I will be hanging out with K, the first test of my new willpower!

OK, so yesterday I avoided junk food, and counted my calories. No exercise, since I was home sick from work with a terrible headache, and none today either since I am at work with a terrible headache.

But I figure if I can get the eating thing under control the exercise will come back to me in time.