Entries from March 2009 ↓

This week I lost 0.4kgs, which is much better than the 0.2 gain I had the week before! TTOM started this morning so I suspect that loss will be higher in reality. Oh well, it will make next weeks numbers look really good!

Last week i didn’t exercise at all, i made a concious decision to take it easy and get over my cold, which had been plauging me for a while. I did OK with my eating, although there were a few popcorn related incidents.

This morning at the gym I felt wonderful, really full of energy. I hope that lasts through the week!

I used to have a big problem with chips. (I mean Crisps, for you furriners) I used to pick up a big ol’ bag of Smiths Chips on my way home from work, and eat it slumped in front of the telly. Often, I’d fill up on them to the point where I couldn’t be bothered cooking dinner. So I’d miss out on nutrition and fill up on fat. I don’t do that anymore.

I stopped eating after dinner, and eventually I cut chips out entirely. It was hard. I still slip up a bit if they’re offered when I’m out, it’s hard to have only a handful and leave it at that. And last week end when I had a big slip up, I actually bought a 100g bag (better than the 200g bags I used to buy!!) and ate it in front ofthe telly. I don’t want that to hapen again ever!

Just recently though, I’ve been allowing a subsititute to gain a little more control than I like. I’ve been eating a lot of popcorn. Nothing really wrong with that, it’s quite low calories, lightly salted, and tasty. It satisfies that hand-to-mouth craving.

Problem is, I can’t seem to stick to one serving, which is 1/3 of a bag. I divide the bag up into 3, I put the other two serves in ziploc bags for another day. Then I eat all three of them anyway.

Now that’s about 330 calories, which is pretty damn good compared to the 1000+ cals I’d get from an equivalent amount of chips, but still, it takes me over my daily limit every time.  And I’m doing it more nights than I’d care to admit.

Even though the popcorn is the lesser of the two evils, I suspect that this could be something of a ‘gateway’ snack. Just as marijauna leads to ecstacy leads to heroin, could popcorn lead to biscuits lead straight back to chips and a big fat ass?

I don’t think I need to give up the popcorn entirely. I’m pretty sure I can keep it in the house and not go nuts. But I think I haveto set some boundaries.

First, I’m going to go back to “No eating after dinner” especially during the week. I’m going to set up a star system again and stick to this for the next 30 days, starting tonight.

Secondly, I’m going to set some rules specifically for popcorn. Those rules are -

• Never after dinner, even on weekend
• Never more than 25g on a weekday.
• Never more than 3 serves (1 packet) on a weekend day

This means that I can still take popcorn to work as a snack, and if I want to indulge myself with a big serve of popcorn on a weekend when I’m having a lazy day, I can, as long as I don’t go overboard.

To remind myself of these rules, I’m going to write a sticky note and stick it on the box of Microwave popcorn in the cupboard, so that I remember every time I take it out.

I’ve done just fine today, and yesterday was good, but still my motivation is low. Maybe because it’s a little cold, and I want to rug up and eat something comforty. This image is much more romantic than the slob on the couch mindlessly eating chips, but just as damaging I think!

Seriously, even though all the evidence - scales, mirror, clothes, compliments - all says that I’m doing well, that nothing is wrong, I feel like I’m hanging on to this by the tips of my fingers. Any day I could make that one fatal slip up, and the next morning I would wake up right back where I started - 82kgs plus and terribly unhealthy and unhappy.

I know that’s not possible, I know that before i get there would have many opportunities to turn myself around. I hope I would be able to. Days like today though, it all seems so fragile, these new habits and routines I’m building. So easy to just let them go.

I know that this will pass, that next week, or the week after I wi wlii be fine and my routines will feel solid and unshakeable as rock, and I will have no problem envisaging that final goal. My last low point passed just fine and I had a really good few weeks in between.

But today it seems a very long way away.

Yesterday I stayed on plan for the whole day, and after my bad weekend it was kind of hard! Usually I cruise through a workday easily on plan with never a thought of any other food, but having spent the weekend indulging every whim, well, I found that thoughts of chocolate bars, a bag of chips at my desk, an extra slice of toast after dinner popped up every five minutes ago, and had to be squashed each time.

Thankfully I did not have any bad food in the house and I was busy enough at work to distract myself. But it just goes to show that restraint is a habit too, just like bad eating, and you have to keep practicing it to make it easy.

This weekend I had a bit of a setback. By a ‘bit’ of a setback, i mean I ate enough calories to sustain a third world country for a month….

I think there were three reasons. Firstly, I was sick, I have a cold that just won’t go away. Secondly I was stressed, a friday afternoon meeting with my boss had highlighted exactly how little I am on top of my current project. Thirdly I have been gradually letting things get away from me for a week or so, so I didn’t have my usual defenses against these things to back me up.

I now have a food hangover. I can’t believe I used to do this every weekend! No wonder I got so big. I feel awful.

I need to get back on top of things, have afew really good days and get back to my affirmations, motivation lists and hypnosis tracks. Anyone of those could have minimised this weekends binge, but I hadn’t been practicing them enough to make them automatic.

This week the weight loss fairy didn’t visit. Her evil twin sister came by though, and dropped off 0.2kgs

Yesterday I had my second consecutive weigh in under 72kgs so I’m now officially halfway!!! For my reward I think i am going to spend Mr Rudd’s stimulus bonus on a new sewing machine!

The weight loss fairy took away 0.4kgs this week, so I am now 71.6kgs.

Now that I’m halfway through my weightloss at 10kgs down, a lot of things are changing.
First of all, and most importantly, I feel better. Most of the time I have noticably more energy, and my skin is clearer and my eyes just seem a bit brighter. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I spend a lot of time admiring myself in the mirror these days
Other people are noticing too. Colleagues, friends and family are generally telling me how noticable my weightloss is, how my clothes look looser, how my face looks slimmer. I’d say I get asked about how much I’ve lost at least 3 days out of 5. I get compliments too - how great I’m looking, how healthy I look, stuff like that. I love, love, LOVE it, but it can be a little uncomfortable too. I don’t like it when people go overboard to the point where it’s insincere, or when they seem really amazed like I’ve done something out of the ordinary. But on the whole, I’d rather have overboard insincere compliments than none at all
I think there’s a bit of danger that I’ll become complacent now. I have to keep reminding myself that I’m only ‘thinner’ and not ‘thin’ yet, this is no time to stop! All those compliments are really only in relation to how big I was before, and they’d stop quickly enough if I went back there!
I’m doing a lot more things now too - I go to swim squad, and I’ve joined a beginners ballroom dancing class, which is a lot of fun and I really enjoy it. I’m more confident when meeting new people now too, which helps.
I haven’t noticed a lot of difference in the way people treat me in general, I’m not sure that I ever will since I was never really obese or anything like that, not enough to be discriminated against anyway. Any differences are probably only due to my own confidence.
In general, I smile a lot more, and I walk with my head up and more of a spring in my step than before. I feel a lot happier and less like moaning about my job and life in general.
That can only be a good thing for me and every one around me.

I say non-weightloss goals, but funnily enough most of these goals are related to weightloss, either because they are more enjoyable when I’ve lost weight, or they motivate me to lose weight when I achieve them. Also, nothing breeds success like success, and the more determined and disciplined I am in any area of my life, it flows over into other areas. Besides, when I’m happy, it’s easier to control cravings.

• Do more social things
• Make new friends
• Spend more time with the friends I have
• Be more disciplined and productive at work
• Get some… uhhh, you know……(Hi Mum )
• Get the hang of that jive thing we learned at dancing last night (back-step, 1 23, 223…)
• Go sailing
• Spend more time doing outdoorsy things like hiking (Yes Em, outdoorsy things that do not involve being wet and cold in the ocean)

That’s about all I can think of right now. I’ll set a reminder on my phone for a months time and come back to see how many of these I’ve worked on.

One of the key points in Stephen gullo’s book “The Thin Commandments is that “The essence of weight control is error control.”

I think that is such a great concept. It allows me to accept that I am human, I WILL stuff up, but my progress in weight loss is not determined by every stuff up that I make, it is determined by how I cope with and react to those stuff ups.

So, if I eat a chocolate bar for al the wrong reasons, and then say “I blew it, might as well give up for the rest of the day and start again tomorrow” well, yes, I probably will gain weight agian. But if I say “That’s OK, i’ll just go back to my plan right now” It will probably not result in a gain for that week. But the REALLY important thing is to also say, “Well, why did that happen? what can I learn from this and how can I stop it happening again?” And then sit down and write out my strategies for the next time. For example, if it happened because I was tired, the next time I’m tired I will remind myself that it won’t make me feel better, and then I will think “Oh well, I don’t like this but I accept and I will move on” ” and then have a cup of tea.

I think this is one of the most important things anyone can learn in their weight loss journey.

I did a huge big post here and now it’s gone.

So - here’s the pointy bit - The weightloss fairy took away 0.6kgs this week. If I maintain that till next week I will have officially acheived my next mini-goal - My halfway point of 72kgs.

I’ve been listening to hypnosis CDs and they may be having some effect. I’ve been focusing on my strategies to beat cravings and they are mostly working - I’m still having slip ups on the weekends though. I’m exercising but I’m not being a nazi about it - I can skip a day if it makes it easier to get to my dance class in the evening.

I’ve been doing more social things - I’ve joined social dance classes and a swim squad and I’m accepting more invitations than I used to.

I’ve put in place a system at work to limit my internet use and allocate my time better to my projects, it’s making me much more productive.

Life is good, work is good, weightloss is good, I’m kind of happy.