You’ve gotta have faith.

I’ve never considered myself much of a self-saboteur, just weak- willed. I’ve also never thought that I lacked confidence in my own ability to lose weight. In fact, I’ve often thought with despair of how confident I am at the start of each week’s diet, only to stuff it up by the end of the week, with the result that my weight has fluctuated around 82 for over two years. How many time I was convinced that I’d be slim by summer, or for next summer. How rarely I admitted to myself that unless things changed drastically, I would be this size forever.

This morning I weighed in with the PT again. For a second week in a row, I had a good loss (0.8kg).

After I’d weighed in, I was thinking about how I’d reacted to the realisation that he was going to weigh me each week - with a mixture of anticipation, anxiety, irritation and fear. And I suddenly realised - fear? why fear? I’ll tell you why - because deep down I didn’t believe I could do it.  I was anticipating the time when I would lapse back to my old ways and would have to stand on the scales and explain why I had gained weight. And why irritation? because deep down I wanted to carry on the way I was, Up and down, up and down. It’s what I know.

I think I really need to work on these beliefs. In line with the Thin Commandments, which I read last week, I have been thinking about creating a weight loss motivation MP3, with all my most relevant weight loss sayngs on it to listen to every morning. Perhaps I will include some affirmations on that. In the meantime, I must make more effort to catch negative thinking and turn it around conciously.